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Monday, December 19, 2011


"Relationship based on mutual need brings only conflict. However interdependent we are on each other, we are using each other for a purpose, for an end. With an end in view, relationship is not. You may use me and I may use you. In this usage, we lose contact. A society based on mutual usage is the foundation of violence. When we use another, we have only the picture of the end to be gained. The end, the gain, prevents relationship, communion. In the usage of another, however gratifying and comforting it may be, there is always fear. To avoid this fear, we must possess. From this possession there arises envy, suspicion and constant conflict. Such a relationship can never bring about happiness.

A society whose structure is based on mere need, whether physiological or psychological, must breed conflict, confusion and misery. Society is the projection of yourself in relation with another, in which the need and the use are predominant. When you use another for your need, physically or psychologically, in actuality there is no relationship at all; you really have no contact with the other, no communion with the other. How can you have communion with the other, when the other is used as a piece of furniture, for your convenience and comfort? So, it is essential to understand the significance of relationship in daily life"
The above quote compelled me to think about the most important relationship in our life called 'marriage'. True, the marriage is supposed to be a naturally occurring event in our life but we have made it the most artificial phenomenon in the process of searching the soul mate. Is it not like that soul mate just appears before you while traveling on the journey of life and you just cannot search him/her? What you search out is your business partner and not the soul mate. During the search you weigh out all the pros and cons on the basis whether the relationship is going to benefit you in the aspects, which you think are very important in your life. when a relationship is based on expectations it cannot even be called friendship, let alone marriage. Marriage means merging into one. Then only can it be a bliss. No give and take! Which can happen only on a natural course which the society has named as 'love marriage'.
The rituals reinforce the concept of retaining identities all the more. Rarely I have seen that the ritual of marriage to be performed as spiritual and blissful event. It has just become the stage to flaunt money power by groom's and bride's side both. Dowry and expensive gifts to relatives of the groom are seen as the symbol of respect ought to be shown by bride's side for the groom's side. All this amount to widen their identities rather than merging them. The mutual love and respect is lost somewhere during the whole process if it becomes compulsion. What can you expect out of such long term relationship? Conflicts, confusions and miseries!